12 Things to help me be a better submissive.

….just a little something I am borrowing from another submissive but makes such good sense!

12 Things to Remember
He always has my happiness at heart, and if he misses the mark, he did not mean to. When he hurts my feelings, it is never with intent. When I feel neglected, I need to just ask for his attention.
I can choose how I handle my reactions. His raised voice does not have to trigger my own. His impatience or gruffness does not warrant a mirrored response.
Being right does not always mean being happy. If my insistence on something very important creates a schism between us, then I need to try to find some way to work around that distance.
I must make myself go to him, even when, maybe most especially when, I don’t really want to. I need to try to be the one to offer support, to apologize, to reconnect…to make the first move, because pride has no place in a marriage.
When he is unhappy I am unhappy. Find some small way to make him happy.
Let him do for me in his own way, and accept his gifts with grace.
Tell him I love him every day. Do small things to show him I am thinking of him.
Do the things he asks of me to the best of my ability, simply because he asks.
Be cognizant of the reality that we complete each other. Remember that we are intertwined and as his happiness is mine, mine is his. When I think only of my feelings, I am ignoring his, a key to of my own happiness and fulfillment.
Trust that he will always do his very best for me.
Know that when he goes away, withdraws, that he will be back.
Remember that he loves me endlessly.

I Took A Test

here’s what it said.

Your result for The submissive type Test …
Slave
You scored 20% Humiliation, 73% Submissiveness, 54% Service, and 62% Pain!
You’re the slave, you scored high in both submissiveness and service, you probably want to be owned by someone, you feel the need to relinquish your power over to someone else and to service him. You are the ideal partner for 24/7 Owner/slave relationships, whether you like or deslike pain is a matter of taste, hence with humiliation, but I would bet that the chances are you enjoy them sometimes but the most important thing is whether your Dom will enjoy doing those thigns to you.

Neglected

Yes my poor little webspace has been neglected. I’ve just been extremely busy….ok well thats true and not true. I’ve been keeping myself extremely busy so the days will go by faster and speed me along to my next trip to see Master. Finally it’s here the night before I see him. I am giddy. Excited doesn’t define the feelings. I am nervous of course. I am always nervous before a trip I only relax and let go of the nerves after finally being in his arms. Until then butterflies dance, my heart flutters, mind races, body throbs. No halfway this trip I am going to Master’s home. I haven’t been there since last labor day weekend though he’s been here and we’ve made many trips to meet halfway.  I cannot wait to step off the plane, wrap myself around him and drown in his kiss. I am more than ready to feel whole again, complete, at peace. The only time I feel this is with him. With Master I am grounded, centered, at peace more now than I have ever been in my life. I told him the other day during a very in depth conversation that he has changed me. I am a better person now because of him. I have always struggled with restlessness, insecurity, and the urge that there is something more, the grass is greener on the other side etc. With him I know in my heart this is it. There is NOTHING more, nothing better, nothing sweeter or more right than the collar I wear not just around my neck but around my heart. I am praying that the days go slow, each moment drawn out infinitely longer than the one before. I truly want nothing more than to bring him pleasure, happiness and joy. I want him to be proud of me, of being with me of who we Theres are together.’ a proposed drop in on a party a friend is having. I’m nervous, I’ve met one or two of Master’s friends in the last year and a half. I want them to like me of course though Master says it matters little to him what they think of me. Something in me loves to be on display on his arm. I want him to fee proud of his girl and of course I love it when Master shows me off but at the same time is very posessive of me too. On our last trip we were walking to the venue where Conan was going to be. We had tickets. After parking in the garage across from the theatre we had to walk up two flights of stairs to the street level. There were quite a few folks using the stairwell heading to the show themselves. as we were going up a pair of men came out on the level above us, I glanced up…saw them and thought nothing further. Master says they both gave me a very considerable glance, checking out my cleavage, figure and face. He chuckled a bit as he told me a sound of pride in his voice that they were “checking out” his girl but he was the one taking me home for the evening.  I had no clue about this, am often blase about myself and though I will admit to agreeing I have a very nice set of ta-tas I’m only passibly prettyish/cute and a little on the voluptuous side. Master tells me often that I am beautiful, desirable, and how much he enjoys looking at me. My smile, my breasts, my body, the curve of my shoulders or the cheek of my butt. I still disagree but in his eyes I know he means it and I appreciate that so very much.

Just SPANK ME!…I mean please would you…

Wow…you’re thinking…two posts one day? Um no. The first was on draft for a bit I finished it up and moved onto another one.  Title says it all. Since the last trip with Master I cannot wait for the next one to ask him to please spank me again. MMMmmooohhhhuuuuuuhuh. I’ve learned a few little things about myself and my sexuality along the way during the last year and a half. I expect I’ll learn alot more soon when Master and I are in the same place *insert dreamy happy grin here* but the one thing that I think I can truly identify with as a “kink” for me would be spanking.  I’ve been reading quite about on Finding Sara and from the get go before Master ever really spanked me I was intrigued and there was a spark.  While her blog mostly is about domestic discipline there are some slight shades of D/s in the relationship.

So back to me being spanked….yeah pretty much been a hot topic in my mind especially as we start to close in on our next trip together….I’m very hopeful that Master will do so again. It was *sighs* heavenly. He has the warmest, most wonderful hands and to have them on me anywhere is delicious however being spanked by them, both for a disciplinary measure and then for pleasure was amazing. There was a definite difference, not only in my mind but in his hands. The warming of my bottom, the slight sting he would rub in, the feel of the air moving across my cheeks before his hand connected with one. Afterwards the delicious slight soreness and warm derriere for several hours later were nice reminders of our play time together. What does it really mean to me though why the deep satisfaction, the delicious thrill and the craving for more spanking? I’m not sure honestly how to define it or describe it other than it just feels sooooo good and I want more. PLEASE Master may I have some more? Now the challenge for me is asking for that. I worry that I’m being bossy or pushy or trying to tell him how to dominate me. I guess therein lies the solution…I should not be “Telling” him I should be asking him for his attention and explaining why I want it? Yeah I think that’s the way of it!

Hello my name is Lulu and I am a voyeur.

I’ve recently come to a conclusion which actually comes as no shock to myself. I am a voyeur. I’ve always liked reading, movies, etc. I think that’s where it started. It’s like mentally being in the room with the characters  or the people in the book. Sometimes you are the character in your mind .

After blogs became big I enjoyed finding a good blog read.  Getting in an depth view of someone’s mind, personal thoughts. It’s stimulating. Obviously with the amount of blogs and bloggers and of course blog readers out there I’m not the only one.  As I got older I found a stash of historical romance novels and well I was hooked. YUM. From there as I got older I branched out to more smutty novels, written erotica etc. It’s my favorite way to relax…in bed yummy sex filled romance novel in hand snuggled under the covers.

You’d think that porn would have been an obvious jump for me but nope. It was too cheesy, no story behind the fucking no play etc. At least the few I did venture to watch in my early twenties. Then I happened upon some soft core porn movies now those weren’t too bad but never as good as my own imagination. I’m a mental kinda girl. I have to be aroused mentally as well as physically.

Sometime after embarking on this D/s journey with Master I wanted to know about others, subs etc. I wanted to know about their journeys, how I could please him, be good for him. I found a blog where another submissive had detailed her journey and I began to read which lead to another blog and another and eventually I found myself at fetlife.com. I like to read the general writings. Happen upon the hot stories or shared experiences sometimes I comment on forums. Most times I don’t.

So what am I perving on? Well I’ve put my favorite links here, perhaps there are others who would like to visit them. I also spend time browsing the “Everyone’s writing” at the Fetlife. Which of course leads me to checking out other kinkster’s profiles lol which can lead to some pretty nifty pics. I think of Fetlife as Facebook for perverts. Me included lol.

Pity party’s over time to get happy.

So I threw myself a little pity party this weekend. Master and I were not on the same page it seems when it came to synching up and spending some time together. I had a bit of an emotional meltdown Monday afternoon and pretty much dumped it all over him because I wanted him to 1. fix it, 2. make it better, 3. Master me.In the end I think I come off sounding needy and whiny and I know Master is probably on the other end trying to figure out where the hell his usually perky happy go lucky pet has gone to and who is this crying, clingy, woman raving on? The words I want my Master actually came out of my mouth and were typed out there on the screen for me to realize I was having a tantrum like a three year old. Blah. I don’t like that, but I just missed him like crazy and wanted to badly to just SEE him. Curl up on his lap, lay my head on his chest and listen to him breathe. So of course on Monday my friendly monthly visitor came which explains the overly emotional state. I don’t get bitchy I get emotional and over think things then blow it all out of proportion and of course then lay it all at his feet and want him to fix it. Fix me please Master. Sometimes I can’t seem to do it myself I need him to tell me to calm down, breathe and reassure me. Thankfully he does that though it’s hard for me to express that’s what i need and communicate to him what I am needing. I have a very unreasonable expectation that he should just read my mind and should just know. lol I know unreasonable and not fair. I’m working on this little quirk before I make him crazy.

I like it when he tells me this is how it’s gonna happen. I appreciate he asks me things, gets my thoughts and we make decisions but I really like it when he says things like. I want you to do this right now. Whatever this may be…anything really from helping him build something, work on a project, plan a trip, whatever. Sometimes of late I’ve noticed I tend to not be very good about giving my thoughts and opnions because well I really don’t care either way. I dont mean that to sound like I don’t care I mean it to sound as I don’t want to make the decision, I want Master to decide for me or us because I’m going to be happy with whatever he decides. I trust he’ll have the right answer and will make the decision that is best for me and for himself no matter what the situation.

Anyway this weekend I was really missing him. Let’s see it’s been over two weeks now since I walked away from the boarding gate. My vision blurry from the tears, I hate seeing him go. I HATE IT. I often think it’s cruel. I get precious few hours in his company, physically I mean though in many other ways I am spoiled. We talk several times a day. Text randomly, chat online etc. But that time those too short hours spread out over the last year and a half those are the moments where I really feel alive. Where there isn’t a great big empty space there and when my heart stops aching and just beats in joy. Sometimes in those first few moments after we’ve been apart those many weeks it’s unreal we ever were and we seem to pick up right where we left off. Sometimes I can’t keep my hands off him those first hours I’m afraid I’ll blink and he won’t really be there and well frankly I love just touching him. Holding his hand, tucking myself into his side, randomly kissing whatever body parts I can get my lips on at the moment and I just want to breathe him in.

It’s bedtime. Master is calling soon. I think I’ll go find a shirt of his, wrap myself in it and hope to see him in my dreams. I miss his face, seeing his smile.

I’m whipped and not in the good way!

Still reflecting on bits of last weekend’s trip with Master but no time to write more this morning. Yesterday was a busy day! Laundry, kayaking with a girlfriend, and then a waitressing shift at my second job. I was exhausted and missing Master all day. I didnt get to talk to him Fri night to tuck me so 10pm rolled around last night and I was craving the sound of his voice and to chat with him, hear about his day, talk a bit about mine and see if he would tuck me in. I was a lucky girl I got my wish after a nice catch up chat. I’m off to work a double shift waitressing today. Had to drag myself off to starbucks this morning for a grande white chocolate mocha before considering a shower and functioning. Grabbed some pre-cut fresh fruit as well resisting the urge to get the freshly baked apple turnovers. Now it’s off to shower & get dressed before I head out. Perhaps I won’t be too tired tonight for a little more extensive blogging. I feel like I have things in my mind I want to examine yet.